Wow This Lucky Ass Kid Just Won the Dad Lottery and Got Curren$y

Curren$y has been sharing the glorious news of his first born’s arrival on social media over the past week or so, and while it’s impossible not to be happy for one of the most genuine guys in hip-hop, I’m finding myself placing a lot of pent up childhood jealousy on this kid.

Let’s set aside the fact that he’ll most likely be on the Christmas gift list of notable uncles like Wiz, Snoop, and Weezy. We can even forget about how Baby Andretti will get to grow up in beautiful New Orleans, an amazing city rich with culture and culinary excellence.

But it’s tough to ignore how lucky this little guy got by picking Spitta in the Daddy Drawing. First and foremost, this child will be instilled with a certified hall of fame work ethic, learning from one of the greatest grinders in the game. Nobody puts out more work or has more side hustles than Spitta, so you can bet your bottom dollar Curren$y Jr. will have like five revenue streams by the time he’s twelve. My parents made me do chores and my only reward was getting to leave the house, and they definitely didn’t enlighten me as to how I should diversify my portfolio. I’m hot.

Alright, I don’t want this to completely come from a place of jealousy, I’m genuinely happy for Spitta and his new family. And there’s plenty of evidence to suggest that Curren$y will be an even better father than he is a rapper or entrepreneur -- and that’s saying quite a lot. If I’m grading his paternal potential from the perspective of his newborn son, the criteria would center primarily on toys, candy, and fashion sense. The first two categories benefit the Jetlife junior immediately while the latter will provide for priceless hand-me-downs in the future. In all three phases of the game, Curren$y excels.

As with his music, Spitta applies a level of commitment to his craft that is unmatched elsewhere, rising above the competition to achieve the highest level of accomplishment in each category.

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For example, most dads probably get whatever toy is on sale or whichever one they hear is popular that season, a recipe for longterm failure, as trends fade. But Spitta’s toy game is forever. If you’ve been following him for years on Instagram, you know that his diecast car collection is astonishing. And he doesn’t just let his prized mini possessions get deadstock dusty in his closet, either. Loyal fans will remember a time circa 2013-14 where Curren$y posted elaborately designed lifelike scenes for his scaled supercars almost every day.

We’re talking cotton behind the tires to look like smoke-levels of artistry, folks. Imagine the fun his kid is going to have during playtime with Papa Spitta.

Come on, man. The level of dedication is unreal. And remember, these are all pre-Portrait Mode. I’ve heard Curren$y rap about his level of focus before but I didn’t know this is what he meant.

Spitta has proven himself an elite level candy connoisseur over the years, enjoying some of the finest and most rare convections the world has to offer.

Beyond the endless supply of toy cars he’ll have to play with, it doesn’t seem like he’ll have all that much trouble convincing dad to get the good snacks when they go grocery shopping, either.

But playtime and snacktime aren’t everything, and eventually this kid is going to care about looking the flyest possible. While I couldn’t rely on stealing gear from my dad to wear out with the homies for fear of being caught in Fresh Cut Lawn 3s and JCPenney polo shirts, that shouldn’t be an issue here. Spitta has an insane sneaker collection, complete with rarities from friends at Adidas, Bape, and more, plus his own line of collabs from Reebok.

But playtime and snacktime aren’t everything, and eventually this kid is going to care about looking the flyest possible. While I couldn’t rely on stealing gear from my dad to wear out with the homies for fear of being caught in Fresh Cut Lawn 3s and JCPenney polo shirts, that shouldn’t be an issue here. Spitta has an insane sneaker collection, complete with rarities from friends at Adidas, Bape, and more, plus his own line of collabs from Reebok.

As you can see, the lil homie is going to be just fine. Here’s wishing him all the health and happiness in the world that toys and candy and kicks can’t bring.

Also, go stream Curren$y’s new joint album with Freddie Gibbs and The Alchemist, Fetti, if for no other reasons than it’s really great and baby sneakers cost almost as much as regular person ones.


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